-Excellent
Jul 29, 2008-PipsqueakFleas... (shudders) ...fleas, fleas in the library...Again.
Don’t give me your credit card.
Don’t touch me. Putting your hand on my shoulder and telling me to “think about it” will not make me change my mind and list your EBay shit for you.
I will not type your application for you.
I am not a secretary, and I am especially not YOUR secretary.
I’m stuttering because you are making me uncomfortable. Kindly step back outside of my personal space, quit touching me, and I will discuss your computer problem rationally. I am not stuttering because you are such a fine specimen of manhood. Take a shower, brush your teeth, pull up your pants so that I can’t see your ass crack, and then maybe we can re-evaluate your manliness. But for now just get the fuck out of my lap.
Jul 23, 2008
Games we play in the library:
Count the Ass cracks: easily played by glancing over at the internet crowd and counting how many plumbers’ butts are staring you in the face at any given moment. Extra points if it’s girl plumbers' butt. Extra, extra points if it’s a guy wearing a thong.
I Spy, Library Version: I read a book last year sometime and it had a red cover. I need it again.. I don’t know the title, author, or what it was about. I know you have it, I got it here last time.
Clue, Library Version: “I need to talk to that girl who helped me last week. You know. She has glasses and short hair." (A description that matches 90% of the employees in any library at any given moment throughout the area. Sorry guys, it’s still a female dominated profession.) If it wasn’t Mrs. Green in the computer lab with the dictionary, it has to have been Mrs. Smith in the Children’s room with the laptop.......
Endurance. Where the library employee sees just how long it is physically possible to go without a coffee/cigarette/potty break while working the circulation/reference/information desk.
Regional variations to rules and gameplay apply. See your local librarian for these and MORE fun public service games.
Labels: computers, patrons, ZenJul 8, 2008
Today’s mantra: “I am not a babysiitter. I am not a babysitter.”
Repeat. When you have to get up for the tenth time to tell the kids on computer number 2 that library chairs are not built to hold four people.
Repeat. When you have to ask the guy at the reservation computer to please stop hitting every button on the coin and bill acceptor, especially as he isn’t trying to print something.
Repeat. When you get asked again where the restrooms are, the restrooms that are in fact located directly behind the person asking the question..
Repeat. When you ask the little brat where is your mommy? And for that matter, where are your shoes and pants?
Repeat. When the bag of cookies that a mother is opening to give to her screaming toddler explodes across the keyboard of the computer they are seated at.
Repeat. Repeat. Follow with a large dose of bourbon in the parking lot. Then Repeat.
Jul 7, 2008
It's an amazing concept to stand here behind the desk and actually see and hear what a library must have been like long before the computers became a major part of the system. It's so peaceful. There's not but a few people and actually one of them is reading a book.
Jul 3, 2008
It's my branch, I work here, I earned it. But no. Apparently it's okay for you to put in a cd into one of the circulation computers and play country music. Oh you want to talk on your cell-phone now too? Sure fine, I don't give a shit anymore. No one listens to me around here anyways.
Jul 1, 2008
If that damned kid impales someone on that stupid umbrella he's swinging around, I'm going to be pissed off. I mean think of the paperwork that it would involve, and the clean-up, and keeping the other little shits from running over there to poke at the dead body. So stop it kid.
Labels: hell, Library, library voices, noise
I have reached the end of the line when I hear myself telling adult men to use their library voices.....
